Suppressed Feelings

All is lost I know,
Hanging my head down low,
I wet my pillow every night,
Crying till the break of light,
I know you love another,
So I choose not to utter,
How I truly feel inside,
Hoping this feeling will………eventually subside.

Short Phrase of the Day

I love not for the sake of love,
I love because I have someone to love.

Somebody Told Me

Somebody told me that based on her observation, she concluded that I'm the sort of guy who doesn't want a girl to rely on me. Says that I don't seem to want to sacrifice in a relationship.

Let me tell you the whole story, it started like this. With me telling her stories of my parents. Of how I know my dad worked his ass off all this years to support my family and how lucky my mum is having such a husband. Well, after hearing this story the girl said that I was suggesting that my dad suffered in having a relationship with my mother and that mum was the lucky one. But I totally disagree!! Because the thing is, I didn't tell her bout the part of my mother having to take care of the children when my dad didn't have time to take care of us, and all the other sacrifices that she made like the time when dad wasn't having much luck at work. I mean, mum was the one standing behind him all the while not blaming my dad for even one moment. So actually, my dad is also a very lucky man and I KNOW so.

Another thing that made this friend of mine think that I'm not willing to have a girl rely on me is that fact that I told her that I don't like younger girls, or rather I dislike immature girls. Well, the reason I gave was that I feel that I can hardly say I have a relationship if it is with a person who doesn't understand life like I do. But obviously, when I gave such a reason, it was taken the wrong way. She said it sounded like hated the thought of taking care of a girl.

So..............let me CLARIFY things here. First thing first, I don't believe in one sided sacrifices in a relationship. I believe, that for a relationship to work, both sides have to sacrifice. Thus, the reason why I prefer someone more matured. From experience, I have realized that matured people tend to be more sensible and understanding. That way, the relationship will be 2 ways not just one way. I mean, I want a relationship, not a 24 hour babysitting job!!!! Some guys may want a girl to take care of, but how long will that last? Till you're tired of always giving and not receiving? I mean, I know I'm human, and at the end of the day, no matter how tough I am, I still need support and I'm humble enough to accept being on the receiving end when that time comes. So, it's not that I don't want a girl that relies on me, not that I think that having a girl doing that is irritating. It's just that, at the end of the day, I want things to last and a one way relationship will die immediately when the heat is gone whereas a 2 way relationship will keep the fire burning till GOD KNOWS WHEN.

Off Sort

Too lazy to write a poem today. Just woke up and I feel like shit. Still tired, but I have to drag myself to study for the 2 test I'm having tomorrow. Not to mention the reports which are quite near their due dates. Oh yeah, I'll also be having another 2 test the day after tomorrow. 4 test in two days?

Cheers!!!!!!! -_-|||

Next week......oh, AWESOME! that's when my finals starts. So can't blame me for feeling just a little grumpy. Haih~ sometimes I really hope that......that is all that disturbs my almost peaceful life. Cause besides that, there's just some stuff much closer to the heart that plagues me. But somehow, I don't think I'll ever say a word about it to anyone. Suppose it's just one of those things that I know only I myself knows the answer. So those of you who actually care, don't bother asking......I'll play the fool and won't say a thing. I've been like this since I could remember, sometimes I must admit it makes me feel very lonely. Could be the way I've been brought up.............sounds silly......... I think one of the reasons I chose to be so self dependent on such matters is cause I keep thinking that guys should just be plain tough. It's not easy, but I've learnt to deal with it and get used to it. Really has made me very strong mentally, but still after so long..........it still isn't easy. U can get used to pain, yet u can never be immune of it eh?!?! Yet, I don't see the need to spill everything out to someone cause I myself knows best what I should do. Please don't take this as a sign that I don't trust people. But seriously, who likes a whiner? Moi's birthday is like just a stone's throw away, hopefully I'll be better off once I turn 20.

Just A Cup Of Tea

Maybe I should just stop guessing,
Make a move and just start chasing,
When I’m confused,
You seem so amused,
Every time u turn hot or cold,
I melt and freeze to your mold,
My emotion’s a slave to your mood,
My thoughts subdued to your need,
If you knew how you control me,
Physically mentally wholly,
Would you still be so cruel?
Twirling my life like it was just a cup of tea.

Glittering Glamor

You look stunning tonight,
your eyes sparkling innocently under the neon lights,
I wanna smolder you with kisses,
yet I'm afraid I'll spoil the mood,
So I resign to just staring at you all night,
watching you as you move gracefully around the room,
observing how the light reflects off your face,
how the light reflects off your figure,
Oh! how you stand out in the crowd almost obscene,
shining like a diamond amongst other gems,
sometimes I wonder if I'll ever stand next to you,
and not be shunned aside by your glittering glamor!!!!

Two Versions

Well, thought of a theme for a poem and ended up with two similar poems.....wonder which is better? If free, drop a comment. Thanks!!!!

Version 1

Hope you're here,
find your not here,
long for your touch,
find only wind that touch,
miss your voice,
find only my own voice,
Isolation becomes loneliness,
when you can't be found.


Version 2

Wishing you were here,
all that exist is a shadow,
longing for your touch,
all that touches is the wind,
missing your voice,
all heard is the voice in my head,
telling me,
Isolation becomes loneliness,
when you are not here.

Weakness From Within

Cold weather shall not touch me,
it is a cold heart that causes me to shiver with fear,
Alcohol shall not make me drunk,
I am drunk over the sadness that plagues my heart,
people may lash me with their tongues,
but yet it is the weakness from within that makes me breakdown and beg for mercy.

Again

Again you have your back facing me,
again I go unnoticed,
again you keep on walking,
again I get left behind,
again your hair floats in the wind,
again I stand watching in awe,
again you stop in your tracks to adjust your hair,
again I hoped that you would just turn around,
and finally notice that I was standing there waiting all this while.

Hidden with a Smile

When tears run dry,
and all left is a void,
I suddenly realize,
the worst sort of pain,
is hidden with a smile.

Hurting Only The Heart Knows How

When your tears drop,
and creates a splash,
I feel my heart beat stop,
even though just for a flash,
wishing to help,
yet knowing I myself am at a lost,
afraid to meet your eyes,
afraid to betray,
that when you're feeling blue,
my heart hurts only it knows how.

More Dead Than Alive

I try my best to look away,
but it just makes me want more,
I wanna brush your hair aside and whisper in your ears,
yet I'm afraid u might push me away,
I tell myself that nothings impossible,
and yet I still feel helpless,
wallow in despair,
quench my thirst with tears,
I may seem calm,
but its just a false front,
I know I'm putting myself at the edge of the knife,
but sometimes,
when such feelings flow,
I feel more dead than alive.