More Dead Than Alive

I try my best to look away,
but it just makes me want more,
I wanna brush your hair aside and whisper in your ears,
yet I'm afraid u might push me away,
I tell myself that nothings impossible,
and yet I still feel helpless,
wallow in despair,
quench my thirst with tears,
I may seem calm,
but its just a false front,
I know I'm putting myself at the edge of the knife,
but sometimes,
when such feelings flow,
I feel more dead than alive.