Well, thought of a theme for a poem and ended up with two similar poems.....wonder which is better? If free, drop a comment. Thanks!!!!
Version 1
Hope you're here,
find your not here,
long for your touch,
find only wind that touch,
miss your voice,
find only my own voice,
Isolation becomes loneliness,
when you can't be found.
Version 2
Wishing you were here,
all that exist is a shadow,
longing for your touch,
all that touches is the wind,
missing your voice,
all heard is the voice in my head,
telling me,
Isolation becomes loneliness,
when you are not here.
6 comments:
wao..start writing blog liao o...
I prefer the second one. The first one is too direct and too... rough on the edges. Sounds a bit like a Chinese translated poem...
what start writing? I used to blog at friendster thats all.....
Chinese translated poem? haha, but well the first one i kinda wrote when i was tired.....that's why i wrote the second one......suppose the second one is better after all. Just wanted to see if writing with just a first feeling and not changing the words will come out good or not.
hahahahahhahaha.. i guess u r gd in sum way.. dis is ur field n keep it up.. hopefully u will touch dat sum1's heart..
Yeah, Chinese translated poem because once you translate a Chinese poem, the meaning is lost, so it becomes very literal. And the first one is more direct than the second one.
I'd say the first poem sounds more honest, but the second one, more.. poetic.
Hahaha! I think i'm starting to talk crap...
Post a Comment